the spirit of a fighter
Life
Habits
0I’m not quite sure what to write about – my days just aren’t that interesting. Eat, work, work out, eat, repeat.
I’ve been slowly working my way through Psychology – The Briefer Course, by William James. Now, since this book’s original publication was in 1892, I take it with a grain of salt, but it’s still being published (this edition was printed in 2001) so somebody obviously thinks it still has value.
Habits: either helpful or nasty little things, depending on what they are. Basic premise of the first chapter: habits are a mental process – but mental processes are, at their core, physical processes. Therefore, a habit is made up of a series of electrical signals traveling between the neurons in your brain in the same path over and over – like they’re digging an electrical trench in your brain. This makes it hard to break habits, since you have to convince this current to travel a different path than the one it’s used to. Fortunately, that process can work for good as well as bad.
Habits can be complex – driving the same path to work every day, for example, or complex emotional responses – so the most important part of a habit is the beginning, the first action that triggers the chain reaction. It’s like when you start tying your shoes. Once you start, your unconscious takes over and you probably couldn’t stop in the middle and then go on without thinking about it. To change a habit, you need to head off the first spark. To start a habit, you need to define a spark.
A habit will have a better chance of taking hold in your brain if you set a trigger point; some consistent thing that you do that your brain can associate with the entire chain of actions that make up the habit. Then when it encounters the trigger, it can bypass the conscious part of your brain. Instead of you having to fight a battle with yourself: ‘I should really go to the gym some time today,’ your brain recognizes the trigger – getting home from work, getting up in the morning, whatever point you set that’s consistent – and sets in motion the habit. If you can set and keep to a specific trigger, the habit will take hold more quickly, and be easier to stick to.
To break a habit, you have to somehow divert the trigger point – give it some other path to follow. This is my own inference, but the easiest way to break an old habit may be to set a new one up to take its place that uses the same trigger. So you’re not just trying to stop the habit when it hits, you’re diverting it into some other, more desirable action.
I’m not doing the whole chapter justice here, but I picked out a bit that I thought might be more interesting and practical…and I tried to write it in English. It’s an interesting book, but it requires plowing through a lot of very dense material; you can definitely tell it was written in academia, in another era.
Food:
Lunch: Enchiladas
Other: Cookies, milk, chocolate milk
My stomach is getting better, but not there yet.
Current Weight: 160
Quiet on Sunday
0Sunday: Slept in, ran errands, grilled a steak. Watched a movie, picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time and played blisters into my fingers. Found some sweet new music, got some new and much-needed workout clothes, read for a while, watched pointless tv, browsed pointless internet, stayed out of the heat.
Hope your weekend was excellent – see you Monday.
Musings
0I have a lot on my mind tonight but I don’t know what to say about it, so I think this will be short.
An uneventful day. I’m giving my legs a break for the moment, although I’m seriously considering going to another workout tomorrow morning…we’ll see if I maintain that motivation when the alarm goes off. So today it was work, read, clean. Which reminds me – dear world, my counters (and the rest of my apartment) have been clean, all week! Small miracles, baby.
Food:
Breakfast: PB&J (exciting, ain’t it?)
Lunch: Pizza
Other: Random snatches of soda, chocolate milk, and half a hamburger.
I actually am hungry now, but I feel like I’m making progress and that I’d rather be hungry than eat a thousand pounds of carbs, which is probably where I’d end up if I ate any more. I’m much better at abstinence than moderation.
Current Weight: 161
Double Rainbow!!!1!
2Yes, internets, today I saw a double rainbow irl, as they say. To see one at the peak of the double rainbow video phenomenon is pretty epic..I don’t remember seeing one in a few years, so it’s not like they come around every day.
Before I saw the aforementioned double rainbow, however, I was deciding that you know your kickboxing class is too far away when it’s pitch black and pouring at class, and sunny and barely sprinkling at your apartment. But then I saw the rainbow, which was awesome, and then it started pouring again, and that ruined my theory. Still, on Mondays and Wednesdays it’s a 25 minute drive (no kickboxing those days at the closer school), and that’s a pretty long haul.
My legs, they burn! I’m going again tomorrow, and I may be completely flattened after that but by god I’m going. Intense leg workouts 3 days in a row? Yes please. Possibly 4, if I’m feeling really masochistic. I like the sweat if not the resulting muscle soreness, and what’s a workout without pain? My shoulder’s holding up alright…I’m sure it would be better if my ego didn’t think I should do just a few more punches to prove I’m not a wimp. Proving you’re not a wimp is highly overrated, but my pride overrides my better judgment whenever I’m not paying attention.
Food:
Breakfast: PB & J with milk
Lunch: Hamburger and carrots
Other: Part of A Mountain Dew in the afternoon, and milk and peanut butter after working out.
At times I’ve cut soda completely out of my diet, but this is clearly not one of them. It’s one of the few things I crave like crazy, so I decided it can be my vice for now.
I probably shouldn’t skip supper, but I haven’t been very hungry in general the last few days. I don’t know if it’s the heat or just from working out, but I figure it’s not worth fighting.
Current Weight: 162
Back
0Have I mentioned how much I like kickboxing? Especially after missing class for a week, it feels good to be back. My shoulder did alright – I rested it towards the end and did all left-handed punches, but I got through with pretty minor pain and wasn’t too sore when I got home. I iced it and dosed with some ibuprofen, I hope that will stave off most of the damage.
Lucky for me, it’s legs week. My legs felt like wet noodles when I got done, but no push ups and very little arm work. So it’s back tomorrow for more! As much as I did enjoy ballet yesteday, I enjoy hitting things a lot more. A LOT more. Dance would never have cut it as my primary exercise/hobby. Another cool thing, I just found out a friend of mine who is also in the kickboxing class is going to start teaching some sessions for them soon, so I’m excited about that…it’s good to have company at class. We usually only overlap a couple days a week, so hopefully we’ll run into each other more now.
Overall, a good end to a good day. I started with a great client meeting in the morning, and then coffee and an awesome talk with a friend afterwards, home to chill, work, and go to kickboxing, good times with friends there, and after class my Dad called just to chat, which is pretty rare. It all made for a good day. And I didn’t forget to blog, either, so double rainbows all around!
Food:
I gotta get better at writing this down…
Breakfast: I think I grabbed some toast on the way out the door, followed by a Mountain Dew
Lunch: Grilled hamburgers, with some baby carrots
Supper: Supper? What’s that? I had some chocolate milk after class, we’ll call that supper.
Clearly keeping track of meals is not impacting my nutrition that much, but it does cut down on snacking, random binging, and the number of times I will eat the same meal in a row. I’m trying to eat like a normal human for you guys! It doesn’t always work out, so you’ll have to bear with me.
Current Weight: 163
It’s a miracle!
0Or at least, my apartment is clean. These days, in my world, that IS almost a miracle. Keeping things tidy was a casualty of freelancing – not because I don’t have time to do it, but because I lost all my reference points. I used to come home from work and 15 minutes of cleaning was the first thing I did. It was a habit that took me a while to build, but it served me well…and then I started working from home, and at random hours, so I wasn’t coming in the door at 5:15 every day anymore, and there went the cleaning.
Habits are a funny thing, so hard to build and so dependent on fragile things. Hooking a habit to a trigger is immensely helpful, but when the trigger is gone, so is the habit. So I look for a new reference point in the midst of a life full of chaos, and so far I have failed. But today things are clean, so maybe I can keep them that way. Hah.
Food:
I declare Sunday a cheat day. So there! See you Monday.
Banality
0I really don’t know what to tell you about today…it wasn’t exciting. Stuff was done, other stuff was not done, some stuff was started. Really. Not exciting. I need to get out more.
Slow weekends always make me feel stir-crazy anyway, so I should have found some reason to get out of the house, but there really wasn’t much to do. Especially not anything free, which is about where my budget is these days.
Things on my mind today, in no particular order:
- ‘Grats, Germany, great game. Right down to the wire, in the pouring rain.
- I suck at math without a calculator. I’m glad they invented them.
- Today was not a double rainbow day, but perhaps tomorrow.
- How much should I tell, or not tell, the internet (AKA you)? I’m trying not to be a bore.
Food:
Let’s do an abbreviated version.
Breakfast: Sorry. Lunch: Hot dog and cookies. Dinner: Pizza. Other: Ice cream and a soda. Can you tell it’s the weekend?
Current Weight: 165
Maintaining is something, I guess.
Hope you’re having a great weekend!
Speed Reading
0Alright, shoulder is back to tolerable, if not completely better. I’m going to pretend that it’s better and go back to kickboxing on Monday anyway. I was good again today and gave it lots of rest. Tomorrow I absolutely HAVE to hit work hard, this week has not been so good for productivity. I actually felt weirdly productive today on some fronts, but none of it was billable.
I need to stop reading books within 12 hours of buying/checking them out. I always do that and then feel like I defeated the purpose of getting it. Today’s victim: Love’s Executioner & Other Tales of Psychotherapy, by Irvin d. Yalom. Yes, I read psychology books for fun. It was really interesting, a little disturbing, and I recommend it if you’re interested in that kind of thing. (also recommended: Prozac Nation, an Unquiet Mind, and the Introvert Advantage, just to name a few. Only Introvert Advantage if you’re looking for something cheerful…as a hard-core introvert, I found it rather liberating and completely fascinating. The others are interesting, but not exactly rainbows and kittens.)
The only thing I wish I could find is more exploration of the connection between physical activity and mental health: I know there have been studies on it, but of course I don’t remember where I read them and I haven’t run across much literature on the subject. Not that I’ve really looked, I guess, scanning the racks at Barnes and Noble probably doesn’t count as research.
That was a tangent, eh? I loves me some literature.
Food:
What the heck DID I eat today?
Breakfast: nope.
Lunch: Tacos. Chocolate Milk. Do they go together? I say yes.
Supper: Spaghetti.
Snacks: Cookies, popcorn, I think that was it.
Clearly I will soon have my own health craze, sweeping the nation.
Current Weight: 165
Holy Boredom, Batman
2I hate being injured! My research, combined with the fact that the end of my collarbone is visibly higher than it used to be, leads me to believe that I have a separated shoulder. As such, the remedy is rest, ice, and plenty of it. I figured I could just work on design stuff all afternoon, but I went to the library to work and after about an hour my shoulder was throbbing like it was on fire. I finally came home and made myself a sling, just so I would keep my shoulder still, and forced myself to do nothing for the rest of the day. It was miserable.
I admire any elite athletes who take adequate recovery time after serious injuries – it’s hard for me to sit still for a day, and I can’t imagine what it’s like if you’re a career athlete. Sitting still for weeks, creeping through physical therapy…ugh. Hats off to the ones that have the patience and self-control to see it through.
So that’s that. Not much else to report, since I sat around with a sling on all day. I hope this heals quickly, because kickboxing is my sanity and I don’t want to lose it for long. I had too much time tonight to sit around and think about my career, and where I’m going with my life, and all those fun questions that don’t have answers and drive me crazy.
Food:
Breakfast:
- PB&H, the usual
- Milk
Lunch:
- Tacos
- Carrot sticks
- Soda
Supper/Snacks:
- Cookies
- Milk
- Chips with Black Bean, Corn & Avocado Dip
- Oops
Yep, I skipped supper. Or replaced it with cookies, however you want to look at it. Go me! I was having a bad day, let me tell you, and I needed some freaking cookies, that’s all there is too it.
Current Weight: 155
An Injured Day
0Well, this sucks. My shoulder was so tender last night that I had to give it its own pillow to keep it from moving around, so I could sleep. I woke up a few times and had some funky dreams, but I did sleep. Today I iced it in 20 minute stints all day – an advantage of the freelance lifestyle is being at home, so ice packs and bags of frozen things are always handy – and by the end of the day it’s feeling much better…but still sore.
I went to watch my team’s softball game, and by the time I’d done that and then hung out after the game for a few hours, my shoulder was sore. You know it’s not good when sitting down, lifting the occasional soda cup, and driving make your shoulder hurt.
I’m really hoping that if I don’t accidentally sleep on it tonight, and if I rest it all day tomorrow, that it will be healed most of the way. In the meantime, I can’t go to kickboxing, because it’s still arms week, and I don’t want to start this process all over again. But it suucks. I want to go, I want to see people, and I want to work out. I need to work out. But better to suffer now and heal completely than fight an injury for the next few months, I guess.
In another note, I almost hate my reputation for Taekwondo. I get into random conversations and it’s hard to know what to say about why I’m not at my school anymore, and why I haven’t done anything for months, and why anything I could show them would be not that great because I’m out of shape. It’s hard to know how much to say to a casual aquantance or a stranger when I’m telling them that I quit my school, but also that it’s a great school. Both are true, but it has to sound strange.
The details of why I quit are a long, personal and business-related mess, and it’s not something I want to get into with just anyone. And I have no interest in trashing my old school or dragging my instructor’s name through the mud, because neither would be justified. There are things there that I disagreed with, and they resulted in my quitting. It was a heartbreaking decision, and that tends to override the bitterness these days, as long as I don’t think about it too long, and that’s about as much explanation as I care to give.
I wish it was a more satisfactory answer, or that there was a succinct way to express what happened without dredging up the whole messy story. I wish that I had imagined the problems, and that it would just be fixed and none of this would be an issue, but that’s not how life works. So I go to a different school, and I agonize over how involved I want to get, and I hemm and haw around the subject that I used to love in conversation. Sometimes life takes the best things away from you, and what can I do but get up and keep going.
Food:
Breakfast:
- 1/2 PB & Honey
Lunch:
- Spaghetti and Marinara
- Chocolate Milk
- Chocolate Covered Peanuts (So I like chocolate. So what?)
Dinner:
- 2 Tacos
- Salad
Other:
- 2 Sodas at the bar after Softball (Damn you, free refills!)
Well, minus the sodas it wouldn’t have been a terrible day, but take away working out and it doesn’t add up well. I really need physical activity to balance this equation. The sodas were bad, but they were so gooood, you know? And let’s face it, I have very little impulse control, and the waitress took my glass to refill it before I even knew what happened. It would be rude not to drink it, right? …Right? I’ll take your silence and raised eyebrow as a yes.
Current Weight: 166
